I was aware from a very early age of my attraction towards other males.  I was perhaps 7 or 8 years old, but it wasn't till I was 15 or 16 that I first felt the sting of homophobia. During an argument I was having with my father he called me a fag . . .  A knife could have pierced my heart and the pain would have been no less!  This began a time of strain and discord that fortunately did not last forever, as presently he is a man who stands with few others that I consider worthy of admiration for his great capacity to love and care for others.

I believe that if my father knew the pain that I would suffer from that one word he would never have said it.  But that's all he knew, suffering from a lack of understanding and not from a place of hatred. This was around 1975 and from that point on I learned to live a double existence, one  public where I  did what hetero-boys were expected to do, and the other   private,  where I pursued my true sexual nature in hiding . . . never being able to share my journey with my family as my siblings had done.  Living two lives became the norm for far too long.

I was trapped by homophobia, real and perceived, applied and internalized.  While I was ok with who I was I constantly felt that I was being pushed deeper into the closet, or at least held there against my will.  I was hetero by day and queer by night, often struggling to keep the different sets of friends and memories shared separate, careful not to "cross the streams," a mix that I would not allow at this stage of my queer development.

It is tragic that  so many of us  continue to suffer  from the negative effects of homophobia . . . men and women who have been so hurt or so frightened by it that they are unable to be free to accept that which is as natural as birth itself. 

Homophobia comes in many forms and from a variety of sources.  Personally, I've been called many names, had bottles thrown at me, had a knife pulled on me and had a gun waved in my direction with the threat of being killed because I was a "faggot."  More subtly I have been disinvited from events because I was a gay man.  Host didn't want a "fag" in their homes or friends didn't want their other friends to know they had a "gay" for a friend.

Now I wonder, has homophobia, or the effects of it, been with us for so long that we have become numb to it?  Do we accept double standards as long as they don't directly affect our personal lives?  Is it ever ok to turn a blind eye from certain forms of homophobia?  Is some degree of homophobia ok?

For me the answer is a resounding NO! Homophobia is far too damaging to individuals, to communities and to our nation as a whole to ever be tolerated. It must always be confronted, peaceable with reason and understanding whenever possible, especially for those who are not strong enough to do it themselves. I will never apologize for being homosexual, so too I will never apologize for challenging or confronting homophobia in all forms, whether real or perceived. 

From the candidates who seek our votes in private but remain distant in public for fear that their base of supporters will discover that they "support" queer rights to the elected officials who are afraid to cast a public vote in support of equality for fear of losing  re-election, homophobia needs to be challenged and confronted.

School boards that refuse to institute queer history lessons in their high schools for fear of causing an upheaval from homophobic adults is homophobia itself and needs to be challenged and confronted.  The hallways, classrooms and gyms of our schools are still filled with all the hateful remarks like "fag," "sissy," "faggot," "dyke" and "lesbo," just as they were when I was a student.   A Harris Interactive study on bullying found that 4 out of 5 LGBT students experience harassment at school because of their sexual orientation and gender expression. This needs to be challenged and confronted.

The hatred, anger and aggression expressed towards queers in our schools is the product of lessons taught in the home from birth and that which is learned and mimicked in the schoolyard and the playground.  This is why the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) is promoting its National Day of Silence for next Friday.  According to their website, "The National Day of Silence brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools."

 

 

 

Prime Rib Offers Stimulus Plan

In the current war of the steak houses in Philadelphia plus the economic climate, The Prime Rib, 1701 Locust Street, inside the Radisson Warwick Hotel, off Rittenhouse Square,  has devised a "New Stimulus Savings Menu" dinner at just $35 per person, not including beverage, tax and gratuity, seven nights a week.  Owner Garth Weldon has not only extended the number of days the meal deal is offered to diners but he also recently extended the menu items, too.

Now the choices are even more plentiful and varied, the prix fixe, three-course dinner, includes first course choice of shrimp cocktail, clams casino, oysters on the half shell, cherrystone clams, cold seafood sampler, house salad, Caesar salad, hearts of palm salad, feta, tomato and onion salad or roasted tomato soup; entree course includes choice of roast prime rib, filet mignon, flat iron steak, chopped sirloin steak, center cut pork chop, Imperial crab, jumbo lump crab cakes, grilled Scottish salmon, roast chicken and penne primavera; a choice of two dishes, served family style, including broccoli florets, creamed spinach, fresh string beans, corn off the cob, sautéed carrots, potatoes au Gratin, steak fries, mashed potatoes and baked potato. Choices for dessert include cheesecake, key lime pie, crème brûlée, chocolate mousse pie, ice cream and sorbet.

For additional information, call 215.772.1701; or visit theprimerib.com

Tria hosts Meet-and-Greets and Wine Classes

Tria Fermentation School, 1601 Walnut Street, Philadelphia, will host an array of wine, cheese and beer classes with experts representing local, national and international wineries, vineyards and importers throughout the month of April.

Beyond that, Tria Washington Square West, 1137 Spruce Street, Philadelphia, (215.629.9200) will host informal Meet-and-Greet sessions with visiting experts, featuring special pricing on select beers, wines and cheeses.

Click here for this month's schedule for Meet-and-Greet and classes at Tria Fermentation School

For additional information, email school@triacafe.com, or call 215.972.7076, or visit triacafe.com

Correction to last week's column: "Chef-owner Chip Roman is moving his Blackfish Restaurant, previously located in Avalon, to Stone Harbor. The Blackfish Conshohocken location will remain open."

  

(Philadelphia / New York, April 7, 2009)  Jack Wrangler, iconic adult and musical theater performer passed away today from complications from lung disease. He was 62 years old.  

With piercing blue eyes, unruly blond hair, a chiseled physique and cocky swagger, Jack Wrangler was the king of '70s gay porn. Forging a gay sexual revolution, he wasn't the typical object of homoerotic desire but an intelligent, full-bodied, self-confident male. Exulted for his 80-plus adult films, the openly gay superstar even conquered the straight adult world and legitimate theater.  Mr. Wrangler eventually married pop vocalist Margaret Whiting and their relationship would last for the rest of his life.

The documentary Wrangler: Anatomy of an Icon, recently won the 2009 GayVN Award for Best Alternative release.

"It was truly an honor and a privilege to get to know Jack Wrangler through making the documentary about his life. Jack was truly a class act." said director Jeffrey Schwarz. "He was a pioneer, a born showman, and a loving husband to Margaret Whiting. Jack Wrangler knew the power of image-making and inspired an entire generation to be comfortable in their own skin and to become the man of their dreams. He lived his life with grace, humor and confidence and will be missed."

"Jack was one of the earlier pioneers in helping to bring awareness to the gay community by being open about who he was and about following his dreams," said Lewis Tice, Director of Publicity and Marketing for TLA Releasing. "We are deeply saddened as he is an essential part of our gay history. Our sympathies go out to his family."

Memorial and funeral arrangements have not yet been finalized, and Jack Wrangler's family is expected to make a statement soon.